I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
