What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Is it penis luge time yet?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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