I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
