Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
