I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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