Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
