Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
