I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
