She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
