he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
