yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
