If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
