halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
BRING THE BAGELS
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
he had hair everywhere except his balls
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
