Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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