Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
