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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?

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• (530): View more from California

  I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.

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• (954): View more from Florida

  i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?

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• (917): View more from New York City

  My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober

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• (850): View more from Florida

  I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".

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• (713): View more from Texas

  so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into

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