I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
