his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
