She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
