So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
