I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
