im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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