I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
