I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
