Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
