I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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