Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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