I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
