batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
