And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
honey bunches of taint.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
