My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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