This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
