he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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