you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
