This is not my ceiling
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Randomize
