i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
