I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
