did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
