i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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