We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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