but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
