You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
and she was petting her beer can
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
