drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
