Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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