Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
