i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
