Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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