If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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