I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
