Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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